if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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