But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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