Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
