Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
