Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
