Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
