the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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