Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Randomize
