thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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