We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
