I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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