make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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