Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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