i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
