I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I pour the whiskey from now on
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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