help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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