Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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