If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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