Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
