i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
