my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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