I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
