I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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