wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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