You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
