Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
