Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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