he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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