3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
