I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
