: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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