WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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