The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
