peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Damn victory sex feels great
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
