found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The air was thick with penises
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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