soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
