Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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