OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
