are you so shy because you have an std?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
