Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
