You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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