Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
