Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
