Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
