okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
