Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
