Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
