Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
