dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
