If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
