i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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