So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
