I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
