ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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