I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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