if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
