This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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