that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
