Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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