I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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