bring money and cleavage
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
