so let's talk penis.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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