I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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