i was born a porn star she said
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and she was petting her beer can
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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