yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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